The Last Few Weeks of School

So we are getting to the end of the school year and things start to pile up. For kids who have been struggling in school- the last few weeks have probably been pretty tough. And, that stress isn't just on kids- it impacts parents and the family as a whole. 

The conflict level in the house can easily rise as parents get exasperated- or jump in to do work for their kids- doing anything they can think of to help their kids be successful. Here are a few quick tips for families in this last couple of weeks (or days) of school: 

1. Make a to-do list- on paper. I don't know what it is about writing things on paper- but sometimes it just works better. 
2. Let your kid scratch off the things as they are completed. Make a new shorter to-do list after you have marked a few things off. 
3. Keep the to-do list focused on the things that must be done right now. If your to-do list is 100 items long- it is a good sign that you need to refocus on the necessities- or break that up into small little 5 or 10 item lists. 
4. Be sure to take time to relax! Try to make this part of getting things done. After 5 things are accomplished- take 20 minutes out to go for a walk outside, go to the park, or dance to silly songs. Television has a tendency to suck out motivation- so if you have visions of you and your child getting back to work time- nix the TV!
5. Celebrate the accomplishments and praise your kid(s). It is understandable that your stress level is high and you may be feeling sad or angry. However, the higher someone's heart rate is- the less they accomplish and learn! Focus on making expectations clear but don't let stress levels get too high as it will sabotage your efforts. 

I hope these few quick tips help you and your kid(s) keep from going crazy! Have some fun this weekend at the Modesto Farmers Market, Go for a walk by the river, and if you are done with school- give out a big woohoo! 

If you or your chiild need more support in getting through the end of the school year, or making some changes before the next school year starts- check out information on counseling for children in Modesto. 

Confident Children Group for Elementary Age Youth

*Confident Children* *Group for Elementary Age Youth*

A psychotherapy group that will teach assertiveness skills and healthy emotional expression skills to elementary school age children. Group will be held on Tuesdays in June, from 2:30-4:00 PM at Family Concern Counseling/Youth for Christ. 918 Sierra Dr, Modesto, CA 95351.

This group will focus on helping children develop skills needed to be assertive in dealing with bullies, siblings, and peers as well as being able to express and verbalize feelings in healthy and appropriate ways.

This is not an open group so please commit to each week.

- June 5-Assertiveness Skills #1: Understanding the difference between - aggressive, passive and assertive behaviors and responses - June 12-Assertiveness Skills #2: Using “I messages”, Asking for Help, and - Saying “No” - June 19-Expressing Feelings #1: Expressing Feelings through Art Therapy - June 26-Expressing Feelings #2: Verbalizing Emotions In Healthy Ways and - Recap of Skills

Fee: $20/child or $30/sibling pair per week. Fee can be collected in advance or each week at the beginning of the group. $80 for four weeks for one child or $120 for four weeks for two children.

Max of group will be 10 children, RSVP soon. There is a parental consent form to be filled out upon RSVP, so call or email for more information. Contact Sarah Andrews at 209-522-9568, x.120 or email sandrews@scyfc.com.

Group will be facilitated by: Sarah Andrews, Marriage and Family Therapist Intern #58849, Lianne Ong, Marriage and Family Therapist Intern #58065 and Tyesha Sullivan, Marriage and Family Therapist Trainee

Letting Go of Family Patterns...

Sometimes we learn things when we grow up that are really important to survive. Our families all have rules, norms, guidelines, and expectations. As we are being raised whatever we start with, it feels like everyone must be like our family. In reality, families are all very different. 

Working with couples, this issue almost always comes up. We make assumptions about our partner based on our history, based on the history we grew up with. And, often, this is completely subconscious... We don't even know it is an assumption- because it is just so TRUE for us.

Someone shared a wonderful affirmation this week that talks about letting go of some of these old assumptions. It is from the perspective of a person who grew up in a dysfunctional or abusive family life, but I also think it could be modified to work for most people's lives. 

This is from the book Affirmations for the Inner Child: 

Coming of age means losing my innocence. I must release my innocence as a necessary part of my growth. By doing so I do not lose my goodness or my idealism. Both my goodness and idealism are rooted in wisdom.

 

I may mourn the loss of innocence but my deepest sorrow comes from the fact my innocence was betrayed. I grew up in a family system ruled by the effects of compulsive or abusive behavior. I accepted those rules in innocence. I granted their importance out of my inherent love and trust for my parents.  Today, if the time is right, I will honor my innocence by releasing it. My innocence served my inner child until my knowledge and judgement could protect us both.  As I release my innocence, I accept my wisdom.

I hope this is inspiring to someone. And, if you need support- give us a call! Two of our counselors have openings currently. We are ready and willing to help! 

Worrying sucks... Literally...

We all worry. Why? Because we all think. It is normal to think and sometimes thinking can lead to questions about the future.

Planning for the future can be great. But when does planning turn into worrying?

I think you know planning turns into worrying when it starts to suck...

Worrying sucks away your motivation for change.
Worrying sucks away your energy for living.
Worrying sucks away time for living life in the moment.
Worrying sucks away valuable hours of sleep.

So, what can you do to stop those racing thoughts? How can you stop the anxiety that comes with worry?

Well, the first step is always to notice. And, you can't notice anything when you are running a mile a minute.

Pause, be still, notice what is going on in your body! Stillness can be scary initially- but it is also incredibly powerful!

And no, stillness doesnt come easy. It is a skill we have to develop! Ill be writing a message next week about some specifics of being still. But, for now, just slow down and notice!

Oh, and by the way- you may notice a new face around these parts. We have a new expert in all things school related and child related. She also works with couples and families. Please welcome Charlene Rose! Until next time..

Accepting Anxiety...

Did you know that a certain amount of anxiety is normal? 

In fact, in some situations, it is normal to feel REALLY out of sorts. I talk with people frequently who are panicked because they fear something is wrong with them. When they find out that the response that feels "odd" or "wrong" or "crazy" to them is actually normal, healthy, acceptable, or to be expected in response to what is happening they have a big sigh of relief. 

That's right... they feel relieved, in other words, they feel LESS anxious when they know it is normal to be anxious! Isn't that amazing? Here are a few tidbits about anxiety that might be helpful: 

• The more you fear anxiety, the more anxious you will be (it is called anticipatory anxiety).
• In some cases anxiety is good! 
• Anxiety rarely kills anybody.
• Learning additional skills about managing anxiety does NOT make you crazy! 
• Some times big stuff happens, it is normal to have a big emotional response (or even a numb response).
• If your anxiety is keeping you up at night, changing your eating patterns, or breaking your concentration at work- check out the anxiety page- or give us a call to teach you some new tools for these new things that have been happening. 

Hope you are out enjoying this beautiful day in Modesto, CA! I sure am!