Help! My Loved One is Being Hurt!
Do you know someone who is being emotionally or physically hurt by their partner?
Is it killing you inside to watch them suffer?
Do you wish there was something you can do?
Watching someone you care about being treated badly is incredibly painful. Initially, you might just have a bad feeling, or some unease around this person's partner. However, eventually you start to put the pieces together, or see behavior that makes it clear to you- your loved one is being hurt. If you are looking for information to determine if this is domestic violence- check out the article here.
I know you are reading this looking for a clear answer. Maybe even hoping for a step-by-step of "How to get my child out of an abusive relationship." Unfortunately, there is no simple answer. This is a hard situation!
What I can give you are a few realities that might help you to make some informed decisions. Here they are, in no particular order.
- The abuse is not your fault. I know it sounds obvious. However, as a Marriage and Family therapist in Modesto, CA I have seen too many people who feel guilty or responsible for the abuse performed by a loved one's partner. You are not responsible for another person's behavior. You are not responsible for your loved one's choices.
- The abuse is not the victim's fault. After the initial anger at an abusive person, many loved ones start to get frustrated at the victim of violence "What doesn't she just leave?" "How does he put it up with it?" "Maybe they like it." Nobody likes being abused, emotionally or physically. The process of leaving an abusive relationship is complicated. For many reasons, an abused person leaves an average of seven times before they leave the relationship for good.
- You can not fix this. Now that you know it isn't your fault- you may be thinking that you can at least fix the problem. Maybe you can beat up the abusive partner, or kidnap the abused person. Violent relationships are complicated. The person who is being hurt has learned not to trust their own judgment. Leaving HAS to be their decision! In addition, the majority of people killed in domestic violence relationships are killed AFTER they leave an abusive relationship. This is not a quick fix situation.
- You can get support. Watching someone be hurt takes a toll on you. It isn't just about getting your loved one help- you will need support as well. Having a neutral third party who understands the dynamics of domestic violence can be incredibly powerful in helping you heal and make informed decisions.
Haven Women's Center of Stanislaus County provides support to victims, as well as family members who have been impacted by domestic violence in and around Modesto, CA. You can call their 24-hour crisis line at (209) 577-5980 for support and a listening ear, as well as to learn more about the resources available for you and your loved one. You can also call directly to the business office from 8:30-4:30 Monday-Friday for information about temporary restraining orders, support groups, counseling, children's services, and much more.
Do you need someone to talk to who understands the cycle of domestic violence and what your loved one is struggling with? Feel free to give me a call at (209) 602-1513 for your free 15 minute phone consultation to find out how counseling can helpyou
heal from the trauma of a loved one being hurt.