The conflict level in the house can easily rise as parents get exasperated- or jump in to do work for their kids- doing anything they can think of to help their kids be successful. Here are a few quick tips for families in this last couple of weeks (or days) of school: 

1. Make a to-do list- on paper. I don't know what it is about writing things on paper- but sometimes it just works better. 
2. Let your kid scratch off the things as they are completed. Make a new shorter to-do list after you have marked a few things off. 
3. Keep the to-do list focused on the things that must be done right now. If your to-do list is 100 items long- it is a good sign that you need to refocus on the necessities- or break that up into small little 5 or 10 item lists. 
4. Be sure to take time to relax! Try to make this part of getting things done. After 5 things are accomplished- take 20 minutes out to go for a walk outside, go to the park, or dance to silly songs. Television has a tendency to suck out motivation- so if you have visions of you and your child getting back to work time- nix the TV!
5. Celebrate the accomplishments and praise your kid(s). It is understandable that your stress level is high and you may be feeling sad or angry. However, the higher someone's heart rate is- the less they accomplish and learn! Focus on making expectations clear but don't let stress levels get too high as it will sabotage your efforts. 

I hope these few quick tips help you and your kid(s) keep from going crazy! Have some fun this weekend at the Modesto Farmers Market, Go for a walk by the river, and if you are done with school- give out a big woohoo! 

If you or your chiild need more support in getting through the end of the school year, or making some changes before the next school year starts- check out information on counseling for children in Modesto. 

A psychotherapy group that will teach assertiveness skills and healthy emotional expression skills to elementary school age children. Group will be held on Tuesdays in June, from 2:30-4:00 PM at Family Concern Counseling/Youth for Christ. 918 Sierra Dr, Modesto, CA 95351.

This group will focus on helping children develop skills needed to be assertive in dealing with bullies, siblings, and peers as well as being able to express and verbalize feelings in healthy and appropriate ways.

This is not an open group so please commit to each week.

- June 5-Assertiveness Skills #1: Understanding the difference between - aggressive, passive and assertive behaviors and responses - June 12-Assertiveness Skills #2: Using “I messages”, Asking for Help, and - Saying “No” - June 19-Expressing Feelings #1: Expressing Feelings through Art Therapy - June 26-Expressing Feelings #2: Verbalizing Emotions In Healthy Ways and - Recap of Skills

Fee: $20/child or $30/sibling pair per week. Fee can be collected in advance or each week at the beginning of the group. $80 for four weeks for one child or $120 for four weeks for two children.

Max of group will be 10 children, RSVP soon. There is a parental consent form to be filled out upon RSVP, so call or email for more information. Contact Sarah Andrews at 209-522-9568, x.120 or email sandrews@scyfc.com.

Group will be facilitated by: Sarah Andrews, Marriage and Family Therapist Intern #58849, Lianne Ong, Marriage and Family Therapist Intern #58065 and Tyesha Sullivan, Marriage and Family Therapist Trainee

Working with couples, this issue almost always comes up. We make assumptions about our partner based on our history, based on the history we grew up with. And, often, this is completely subconscious... We don't even know it is an assumption- because it is just so TRUE for us.

Someone shared a wonderful affirmation this week that talks about letting go of some of these old assumptions. It is from the perspective of a person who grew up in a dysfunctional or abusive family life, but I also think it could be modified to work for most people's lives. 

This is from the book Affirmations for the Inner Child: 

I hope this is inspiring to someone. And, if you need support- give us a call! Two of our counselors have openings currently. We are ready and willing to help! 

Planning for the future can be great. But when does planning turn into worrying?

I think you know planning turns into worrying when it starts to suck...

Worrying sucks away your motivation for change.
Worrying sucks away your energy for living.
Worrying sucks away time for living life in the moment.
Worrying sucks away valuable hours of sleep.

So, what can you do to stop those racing thoughts? How can you stop the anxiety that comes with worry?

Well, the first step is always to notice. And, you can't notice anything when you are running a mile a minute.

Pause, be still, notice what is going on in your body! Stillness can be scary initially- but it is also incredibly powerful!

And no, stillness doesnt come easy. It is a skill we have to develop! Ill be writing a message next week about some specifics of being still. But, for now, just slow down and notice!

Oh, and by the way- you may notice a new face around these parts. We have a new expert in all things school related and child related. She also works with couples and families. Please welcome Charlene Rose! Until next time..

In fact, in some situations, it is normal to feel REALLY out of sorts. I talk with people frequently who are panicked because they fear something is wrong with them. When they find out that the response that feels "odd" or "wrong" or "crazy" to them is actually normal, healthy, acceptable, or to be expected in response to what is happening they have a big sigh of relief. 

That's right... they feel relieved, in other words, they feel LESS anxious when they know it is normal to be anxious! Isn't that amazing? Here are a few tidbits about anxiety that might be helpful: 

• The more you fear anxiety, the more anxious you will be (it is called anticipatory anxiety).
• In some cases anxiety is good! 
• Anxiety rarely kills anybody.
• Learning additional skills about managing anxiety does NOT make you crazy! 
• Some times big stuff happens, it is normal to have a big emotional response (or even a numb response).
• If your anxiety is keeping you up at night, changing your eating patterns, or breaking your concentration at work- check out the anxiety page- or give us a call to teach you some new tools for these new things that have been happening. 

Hope you are out enjoying this beautiful day in Modesto, CA! I sure am! 

I have a confession... I am a bit of a geek. No, not that geek that spends hours playing video games or instant messaging on Facebook... more the kind of a geek that just LOVES to find a fabulous piece of software or a website that makes my life easier. 

I just started using a silly website www.pinterest.com that they call an online bulletin board. I am not sure that I would call it that- but ever the counselor- I have noticed some things since starting to play with this new site- I thought y'all might be interested in knowing what I learned about myself. And, I think many of these "epiphanies" or things others can relate to. 

1. I don't always know myself as well as I think I know myself. 

All of us are looking from our unique perspective. We have all had people either get us completely wrong because their perspective was warped. We have also had other people who had a vantage point that allowed them to be "right on" and give us some important insights that we couldn't see from the inside. 

Posting things I like to bulletin boards has been helpful in defining some of my preferences. Of course, in this case it is more about design, color, and home organization- but those things count. 

2. Sometimes visuals help! 

I have a tendency to be very word and language oriented. While I do often draw in counseling, you will notice that most of my blog posts are completely text based. I haven't used tumblr, don't keep notebooks or scrapbooks... and so I often think of myself as less visual. 

However, I have found that I am actually incredibly visual- I am also just not a fan of busywork! Pinterest has made it so easy for me to be "visual," organize, and reference things- it just fits for the way I happen to think. 

3. One way of thinking isn't necessarily better or worse. 

I have a confession for you... I HATE filing... yep I said it... filing makes my brain go numb... and NOT in a good way! There are many reasons why I have a paperless office (safety, security, readability, time savings, convenience for clients) but one huge reason is VERY LITTLE filing! 

This also pertains to trying to organize bookmarks of sites on the Internet that I find useful for clients, organizing books, or putting ideas together into some fashion that I can actually reference information later. 

Pinterest just seems to "fit" my way of thinking. So, I come up with some file names (boards), and then simply "pin" ideas, references, and links to that board... And, when I go back to: organize my office, plan a workshop talk, etc. there is this beautiful group of visuals that each links to the information that I considered referencing. I can easily delete or narrow down my focus after I have all of the best ideas saved in one place. 

So... what do I think that people can take from Pinterest when it comes to mental health: 

1. We are all on a constant journey of self-discovery. Having a way to notice and become more aware of ourselves is a powerful tool. Whether it is counseling, a great book, or an online pinboard. 

2. Find what works best for YOU! This is one of my favorite things! So many people are trying to make things work for them that just don't. You don't have to give up self-improvement, or shove yourself into a box that fits. Sometimes there is a simple little adjustment that can make all the difference in the world. 

3. Others are often on similar journeys. There is nothing more fun on Pinterest than connecting in with another board where you think "great minds think alike!" It is amazing to find that someone else has already done some great work in putting things together 

So, with that in mind... I am starting a "professional" page on Pinterest... where I will be posting some fun awesome links to DIY self-care, fun, quotes, and things that inspire me (and maybe you) to wellness. If you happen to be a Pinterest fan- feel free to look me up: http://pinterest.com/helpinmodesto/

It is the end of the year and the weight loss commercials and dating website advertisements are in full force. We often start to think of what we want to change about ourselves. I find we start to dream a little – which is something I think we should do often, not just for the beginning of the year.  One of my favorite things to do is to set my intention for the year. I don’t make resolutions. I put out there things I want for myself, my life and my family. I think big picture and I don't get to rigid with numbers and facts. So here are some tips when setting intentions for the year or even for everyday:

• ·      Follow your heart – or your gut (something I think that are very connected) Don’t put your energy and hope into something you don’t believe in. Really, just because you ended up divorced and everyone is trying to hook you up with the next person, doesn’t mean you should do it. Trust your own intuition in knowing what is right for you. Intentions that bring forth fruit in your life do not come out of a place of pleasing other peoples dreams for your life.

Read more...

So, here are my top tips for making real, lasting change! Be sure to read to the bottom and find out how you could win a FREE 30 minute reflexology massage- yay! 

Top tips for making real, lasting change: 

1. Keep it simple- do NOT do everything at once. Focus on one simple change and fully commit yourself to it. 
2. Commit to change- what does committment mean? It means putting your mind and focus on making a change that fully aligns with who you choose to be. It means when something threatens to pull you in another direction away from who *you CHOOSE to be*, you notice that pull, take a deep breath, and continue in the direction towards YOU! 
3. Yes, breath! Change is HARD, and STRESSFUL! Good change can actually make your body anxious and panicked! Anybody else ever felt panicked when thinking about saying no to a donut? I have... and guess what- I'm not that big of a fan of donuts! Breathing is the first step in letting your body know that it is ok to begin to relax!
4. Relax! Notice this is in bold... twice! Panic and anxiety are a sign that are body is in fight or flight mode... or survivor mode. What do we do in survival mode? Whatever we need to do to get out of the panic! We do whatever it is we have already done! We do whatever feels the most safe and comfortable! So find out what helps you to relax- here are links to a ton of FREE relaxation options. You are not on your own- there are resources out there! 
5. Connect with great resources- yep- here comes a little plug for the benefits of counseling or therapy- you may need someone who has expertise in a certain subject to help! Whether that means scheduling an appointment with a counselor, a professional organizer, or a personal trainer, or just finding some cool FREE resources on the Internet. Reach out, get connected, and HAVE some FUN! Maybe look at this like a fun little treasure hunt! 

So, I'm keeping it simple- those are my top 5 tips for making change. Now, I'm sure you are ready to find out how you could get some FREE relaxation! Simply post a comment below sharing one thing you have done to make LASTING change in your life. But, there is one rule- keep it LIGHT people. This is not a request for you to bare your soul and trauma on the Internet! I want strategies you have used to keep your closet clean, clean up the potty mouth, get more physical activity, or have more fun on a daily basis! You can post them below and we'll announce a winner at the end of January! 

(Reflexology appointment compliments of Kyle Ling, certified neuro-reflex therapist with offices in Modesto and Turlock. 

Oh- and check out the free online scheduling option we have now! How cool is that? 

Make a list of the things in your life that you are grateful for. Big, small, medium- doesn't matter. 

Notice how you feel after making your list! This can also be a fun, holiday tradition. Start a gratitude jar and put some small pieces of paper next to it. Simply write down what you feel grateful or joyous about as it happens. When you are feeling bummed out, take one thing out of the jar! 

Hope this quick tip for holiday stress helps you enjoy this busy time of year a bit more! 

"She was doing it in the memory of her husband who had just died, and she said she wasn't going to be able to spend it and wanted to make people happy with it,"

The truth is, the holidays are not merry and cheery for everybody. In fact, while this could have been simply a joyous, generous act- this could also be symptoms of a suicidal woman ready to kill herself to be with her husband. People do sometimes give away all of their belongings before killing themselves because the won't "be able to spend it." 

The perils of this job! I see the possiblity that this woman is in extreme pain after losing her partner before the holidays. 

If this Christmas is joyous for you- go out and be generous! If you are in pain, you aren't alone. There are a lot of people who understand what you are going through and the extra grief that can be piled high at holiday time. We are to help, or even to point you in the right direction. 

Here is hope you have a Merry Christmas... or someone to talk to if this Christmas isn't so merry for you.